Our Little Peanut: Hormones

I am sure everyone has these feelings. At least that is what I tell myself. When I was pregnant with Tyler, I was working full time. I didn't have much free time to sit down and over think things. But, I do remember feeling this way somewhat. At the beginning of Emily's pregnancy, I had A LOT going on in my life. I had much more important and stressful things to focus on - besides 40 weeks is a long time. Now I am not working full time and we are T minus 11 weeks until her arrival, and I have let my hormones get the best of me and the over thinking is in full force.

The bottom line is that I am not ready. I am so many fears that are running through my head. Ignorance is bliss and I am going into this labor, delivery and new life in our family with a little different perspective. Don't get me wrong... Greg and I wanted this. Emily is a great blessing for which I am thankful. I love being a mommy to Tyler, but will I know how to be a mommy to a little girl? Although I had a small feeling that Emily was a girl, I always pictured myself with boys (three of them to be exact). Now that picture has changed. Will I be able to bond with a girl like I have with Tyler?

The second issue I am dealing with is guilt. Many people tell me that part of parenthood is feeling guilty all the time. I know that I won't have as much time to focus on Tyler when Emily is here. Every time I blink, this kid has grown another inch or is saying and doing new things. I don't want to miss out on that and I don't want him to feel like he has to take a back seat to Emily. But at the same time, I don't want to miss out on Emily's baby stage either. Hopefully, finding that balance won't be too hard.

Lastly, or I should say mainly, I am struggling with what effect Emily will have on my marriage. Greg is a great dad and husband and I guess I shouldn't worry about what could be. I remember distinctly being concerned about this when Tyler was baking in my belly. It would never be "just us" again. The marital dynamic changes. I'm not saying it is a bad change, it just isn't about you anymore and the priorities change. We were at a good place with our little family of three and now another female is coming to challenge my title. With just Tyler around, it can be hard to find time to just sit down and talk to Greg without having one of us focused on what Tyler is getting into (heck, when Greg tries to hug me at times, Tyler will wedge himself between us to pull us apart).

I mentioned earlier, Emily has 11 weeks. 11 WEEKS! AHH! Her room is no where ready. I have so much to do (on the plus side - YAH FOR THE THIRD TRIMESTER!) The goal of the next two weeks is to have her room some what organized. Maybe that will help me put some of these fears aside. I am embarrassed to even post pictures of her room. It has become our junk room. Soon, it will be beautiful! Here is the current condition.